Kundalini Awakening
An Insider’s View of Kundalini
A kundalini awakening is described in Eastern spirituality as the primal life force releasing from the base of the spine. It’s been eighteen years since my Kundalini experience. As this primal energy travels up through the subtle body layers, meeting the chakras of the spine, it unleashes new consciousness. It is similar to a psychedelic experience but without substances. I unexpectedly triggered a Kundalini awakening in 2007 while trying to put an end to my migraines. While some people describe Kundalini as a pleasurable awakening and many spiritual aspirants even attempt to ignite it, I experienced it as a crisis. Similar to Gopi Krishna’s experience my “awakening” was sudden and severe. Over a few days, I was consumed with an electric shock-like current that relentlessly ran up and down my spine. It kept me from eating, sleeping and feeling ok in my skin. My sinuses were raging faucets (but I was not sick) and along with a looming sense of dread, I experienced terrifying visions. With no reference point, no intention of triggering this AND no history of anxiety or mental illness, my world was completely turned upside down. Now, after almost two decades of integration, it’s easy to look on the bright side of my new life path. I know great things have come of this experience and I am grateful for all of it, but you’d be hard-pressed to get me to sign up for the same experience again. It was truly awful. In my memoir, Orchid of Fate, I call it “The January Incident.”
It was fellow author and meditation teacher, Bev Janisch who suggested I continue to write about “The January Incident”… beyond my book.
“People need to know what you went through. This will help people,” she said.”
I was curious... it had never occurred to me to think of “The January Incident” as potentially helpful to others who might be going through something similar, because I never imagined anybody else was. I had read historical accounts of Kundalini rising, read texts and descriptors of the energy and attended spiritual seminars that referenced it from a scholarly perspective but until recently reading Gopi Krishna’s “Kundalini,” I had never read another firsthand account of Kundalini rising. Now, following the Covid pandemic, the rise of psychedelics in medicine and the increase in many diseases it seems more of the world is experiencing existential transformation… or at least the potential for one is very ripe.
“The ancient writers named Kundalini the queen of the nervous system, controlling all the thousands of nadis or nerves in the body, and for the same reason have designated her as “Adhar Shakti,” on which depends the existence of the body and the universe, the microcosm and the macrocosm.”
As I see it, great spiritual awakenings are similar to the transformations that result from a severe diagnosis or from taking psychedelics but they have even greater potential to raise the consciousness of humanity. Like a diagnosis, a true spiritual awakening will quickly turn your world upside down and leave you pleading, “I just want my old life back.” Life is suddenly moving fast and in a direction out of your control. Both spiritual awakenings and diagnoses overpower the ego’s narrative and put a person face-to-face with their own mortality. The fear of death is frightening, whether it is literal or metaphorical. Most of us think we want change but when we are confronted with deep, identity-challenging change, we want to run in the opposite direction. With kundalini rising, all aspects of a person’s life change AND fast. Priorities shift, relationships grow or end, goals and careers are often sidelined and you are left with an inner experience friends and family cannot relate to. This feels isolating and disorienting unless you are working with someone who is prepared and trained to help. By help I mean work to integrate your new consciousness into daily life and resist pathologizing. I’ve since learned Kundalini can and does affect people of all ages, races and genders (for the first decade following “The January Incident,” I never knew this) for any number of reasons, most of them unknown. Some experiences are intentional, while many are not. People all over the world attempt to raise their Kundalini through various subtle body practices, including Kundalini yoga.
If you release Kundalini, or it releases for you, your transformation will not only challenge you; it will also challenge the people in your life. I encourage you to set yourself up ahead of time with professional help for this transition so that you don’t have to endure the feelings of loss, isolation and alienation I experienced. Even if you describe your experience as blissful, most people will not understand what you are going through… or how you have changed. In my experience, I felt like someone in kindergarten who had rapidly graduated to university. I knew no one, I didn’t have the language or know the rules. I didn’t feel smarter, more intellectual or superior but I was embodied with awareness and a heart-centered knowing. This changed how I related to myself and to others and also left me wanting to relate in broader and deeper ways with the world through universal love. The old hierarchical models of competition and proving worth through power and control seemed outdated and unnecessary, yet they continue to operate all around us.
Now that psychedelics are on the rise as a healing modality, imagine becoming a mushroom and living that experience for several days.
I felt so different on the inside that I could have become a mushroom. If you could become a mushroom, your experience of consciousness as a universal life force from within a completely different organism would expand. This is similar to the rapid shift in consciousness resulting from a Kundalini rise. While you may never fully get used to this new way of being in the world (I’m coming up on 2o years), using mindfulness-based practices such as Tara Brach’s RAIN (recognize, accept, investigate and nurture), spending time in nature, developing loving self-narratives, meditating, giving yourself more space and time to do the things you love, practicing self-compassion and working with professionals trained in transformational experiences will all help. In 2007, at the time of my Kundalini experience, there was no paradigm for a spiritual crisis in traditional Western medicine. With the many advances in psychedelic therapy, this is changing. Trust that you will find the right people for support and guidance at the right time. Know that while your world has changed, you have also been gifted new consciousness and your growth is part of our collective evolution.
Some gentle reminders:
YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Spiritual awakenings are happening around the world, just this month I’ve heard in Vancouver and Calgary.
You are in a process that is transformative and life giving, but like Buckley’s mixture, it’s hard to swallow.
Seek out guidance from those who’ve been there. Trust yourself to find that right person. Reach out. If you want to work together, I’m here.
Read, write, walk, reflect on your experience. Trust that you are part of something bigger.
Don’t overanalyse, practice being with. In other words, if you are in the ocean and your boat flips, notice that you are still alive, that you have choices, but don’t waste your energy swimming against the waves. Feel them and let them carry you.
Give yourself time to integrate. It took me close to a decade, but we all go at our own paces. There is no formula for “getting there.”
Learn to love your newfound differences and practice self-compassion daily.
Accept that change is scary and whether you like it or not a spiritual awakening is change.
Lighten up. Life is sacred, but you don’t need to take it so seriously all the time.
Go forward with gentleness, kindness and love, for yourself and others. Always.
As Hafiz say’s, “stay close to the sounds that make you come alive… let the beauty of what you love be what you do.”
And Mary Oliver, “learn to love the soft animal that is inside you.” I’ll meet you there.”
Your Next Step:
If you feel called to connect with your Soul’s purpose, power, and passion, I’m here to guide you. As a Sacred Seer, Soul Alignment is my calling. I help bridge the gap between your current awareness and your Soul’s deeper messages.
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